Today, I feel BLAH. I don't feel sad or angry, I feel like everything is asking for more energy than I have. I do not feel tired necessarily, I just don't feel 100 percent. I can usually deduce why I am feeling this way and find a way to regain a positive outlook, but today I can't.
That's not to say I cannot pinpoint what is affecting me, I just haven't been able to successfully come out of it yet. I have been stressed at work for many reasons. One reason is it has been exceptionally slow. Although I am grateful to have a job, being bored out of my mind is a thing, and I'm struggling with it.
The Emergency Department is usually busy, and I am fueled by the chaos. This does not mean we do not have critical patients, it just means the people who would normally come in for less severe concerns are now not in fear of being exposed to Covid19, understandably! Therefore, it's these stretches of time where there isn't a cabinet I haven't cleaned or reorganized more than once.
Meanwhile, I have a list of things to do but most require uninterrupted attention. So I I'm struggling with knowing I could be home doing x,y,z and yet I am at work. At least, I am getting paid right?
Last week I was the opposite; on top of everything! I had a great flow going and this week my flow has been disjointed.
I immediately think to myself, "What's wrong with you?". I digress, it's okay to have a BLAH day. Despite trying to understand why I feel this way it doesn't change how I am feeling. Sitting and letting myself be is difficult for me. Hyperhidrosis is something I do not have control over so I often try to control the things in my life I feel like I can control. I see an issue and I want to solve it.
But sometimes you can't solve everything and have learn to let it be. Regardless, I continue to try and change the narrative in my mind by playing music that makes me feel excited or unenthusiastically completing a workout. That's it. Sometimes you just have to ride the wave!
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